Where have I been this past month? Why I Took a Break from Social Media: And what I’ve encountered on My Mental Wellness Journey.
DISCLAIMER
This video is for mature audiences, and my channel is set to 18 and up. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please consider reaching out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 for immediate support.
At the start of 2025, I made a commitment to take my mental wellness seriously. Weekly therapy just wasn’t enough—one hour per week wasn’t helping me process the intense emotions I was facing. I knew I needed more, so I made a drastic decision: I checked myself into a dual-diagnosis residential therapy program with the goal of staying for 30 days.
I had never done anything like this before, and honestly, I was terrified. But now that I’m on the other side of it, I can say—it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
In this video, I’m sharing my experience to help de-stigmatize mental wellness, talk about how I’m working through burnout, and raise awareness about the importance of taking care of our mental health.
Mental Illness in the U.S.
Although mental health remains a significant concern in the United States, with one in five U.S. adults experiencing a form of mental illness, it remains a taboo subject. As someone who shares openly online, I felt concerned about this topic. Would people think I’m weak because I feel overwhelmed by life? Would I be judged for checking out of life for a month?
I know I’m not alone, and I hope my mental wellness journey inspires you to seek the help you are most likely putting off.
My Challenges
Before we discuss where I went, I want to share with you the challenges that led me to this pivotal point in my life. Many of you know I’m a mom of four boys and a business owner. Both are aspects of my life that I love, but neither comes without immense stress.
The Truth About Social Media & Mental Health
When I started my first YouTube channel in 2018, it took off for skincare. It gave me financial freedom, a creative outlet I cherished, and a purpose that highly motivated me. As some are aware, this channel was terminated in the fall of 2021. I write more in detail in this blog
This was the most excruciating experience of my life. I was drowning in sorrow and grief. No matter what we did, I could not find a resolution with YouTube, and it felt very targeted and filled with wrongful censorship.
This was further compounded by our attorney’s YouTube channel being terminated for representing me. Four years later, we still have no idea what I did to warrant this financial loss and creative abuse.
Inconsolable
I was inconsolable, and although I had never done this before in my life, I started cutting to ease this intense pain that I could not find a solution to. I am embarrassed about this behavior, but I want to be fully transparent because my story may help someone suffering similarly. My family told me that if I didn’t stop, I would be mandated to a hospital for treatment. Fearing being placed on a 5150 72-hour psychiatric hold for evaluation, thankfully, I did stop.
The mental turmoil didn’t stop, but I did stop this self-destructive behavior. I’m even afraid that by sharing this story, I could be terminated again, but the YouTube loss was the first significant challenge in my mental decline, and the next piece won’t make sense without this foundation.
If you are interested in my community and our skin and wellness app you can find it linked here in this video and in the description. If you like reading this video is also a blog found on Naturalkaos.com and again linked below.
It’s now a year later, I finally have a new YouTube channel up, Spa and Tell; and I’m happy to be creating again, but PTSD is a daily struggle. I wake at all hours checking if I still have a channel; I second guess every video I make; I live in fear on an hourly basis I will be removed once again.
My Vices
At this point, I start using alcohol and THC gummies to calm my chronic anxiety. According to the CDC, I’m utilizing these substances moderately, and I’m not an alcoholic, but I find my mind wants to use them more and always alone. I began isolating myself, losing touch with friends, and didn’t want to be social.
At the same time, my Instagram and TikTok accounts are shadow-banned. What once was a thriving social media atmosphere for me now is a living hell of working nonstop for very little return. My emotions are boiling over. I cry almost daily and then go live on a platform to feel better. My life has become an emotional rollercoaster.
My Divorce
Then, in 2023, news about my husband surfaced. I don’t want to share these details, but needless to say, I know a divorce is on the horizon. I see comments daily across my platforms inquiring where he is, why I never share him in my stories, and why he didn’t go on family vacations.
All of this was too much for me to bear. I didn’t have tools, and no one is prepared for these obstacles life decides to dole out.
Spiraling
Now, my anxiety is through the roof. People will think it’s my fault we are getting a divorce; my business is still not back to what it was in 2021, and my husband no longer has employment so it’s all on my shoulders alone. I’m working in a very precarious environment that I can never trust, and further, the one person I trusted the most has destroyed my faith in humanity.
My drinking has become a daily ritual. Once I’m done filming, I’m in my room alone. I don’t want to make videos, but I’m now chained to it. I’m exhausted, and by the New Year of 2025, I know I need to do something drastic.
My Hospital Stay
I’m not familiar with options, so I decided to check myself into a mental hospital. I go to Sacramento Behavioral Healthcare Hospital; I’m not 5150’d, so I can leave at my discretion, and after 48 hours, I exit because it was not the right fit.
It was “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” mixed with “Girl Interrupted.” Everyone on my co-ed floor was schizophrenic, and although I was the first one to admit I needed help, this was not the place for me.
It’s a suicide watch facility giving out heavy medications, and there is nothing wrong with this treatment; however, I was looking for intense daily therapy.
I had never been on any psych meds til this point, but while there, they gave me Abilify and Seroquel, both antipsychotics, to stabilize my mood with the hope that not everything in life would feel like a ten.
By the way, the suicide rate in the United States continues to increase.
Between 2000 and 2022, there was a 36% overall increase in suicide rates, with a 30% increase among males and a 48% increase among females. 
The suicide rate in the United States continues to increase.
To aid my mental wellness journey in January, I began brain spotting to help with my PTSD from YouTube because I love creating videos, and I don’t want to quit.
Continued
In next weeks video, I will tell you where I went for my month of mental healing and why this was a better fit for my needs in Taking a Social Media Detox: My Mental Health Reset (Residential Therapy Program) Part 2
Lastly, I want to thank all of you for your support on Instagram and in my Skin and Wellness App. You have been a huge element in my recovery and being able to stay the course. Thank you my friends. xoxo Kim
Again, If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please consider reaching out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 for immediate assistance.
